There is a book by Business and Life Strategist, Gary Coxe titled Don’t Let Others Rent Space in Your Head. I carry this phrase around with me wherever I go. As I get older, I realize holding grudges, being resentful, stewing on my anger only robs me of precious time. It separates me from experiencing both happiness and peace.
The person towards whom my anger, resentment, or frustrations are directed, have most likely moved on from the event that caused the emotion and are enjoying life. I, on the other hand, am stuck wallowing in my emotions. I am not saying letting go is easy. It’s not. I had a coach once tell me to hold a pen in my hand and see that pen as my pent-up negative emotion. When I let go of the pen and it fell from my hand, I was to see that as a dropping of the emotion from which I was trying to rid myself. I let go of the pen and it fell to the ground. You know what happened? Nothing. I was still angry because letting go of emotions just isn’t that simple.
Instead, I’ve learned to take Mr. Coxe’s advice and evict the situation, the trigger, the emotion from my thoughts. There are several ways one can do this. My favorite way is to reframe the incident. To make a long story short, I felt a lot of anger towards my husband’s ex-wife because of the way she used their son against my husband. Every three months we were in court for many years. Then one day, instead of seeing her as a bad mother, I started looking at her as a mother who felt she had lost her child. A mother who didn’t understand love didn’t mean you turned your child on his father simply because the marriage didn’t work out. As I watched her behavior over the years, I came to realize she was the way she was because she had never truly been loved as she grew up and therefore did not know how to show love. I felt sorry for her and the way her life turned out.
There are other ways to chase negative emotions out of your life. Make a list of three or four positive experiences or happy memories you have and replace the negative thoughts with one of those memories. Turn on some of your favorite music and sing along. Call a friend just to say hi – and don’t talk about what it is that was bothering you. Bake some cookies, go for a walk, or read your bible! Turn your thoughts to something positive each time the negativity takes over – a happy memo
We don’t have to let our emotions control us. It’s a choice we make. The more we choose to think happy thoughts, the less often the negative will creep into our conscious. As I sit in my office, I read my mission statement which is in vinyl letters on my wall – ‘Nothing grows in the comfort zone so give and live fully. Imago Dei.’ It reminds me to let go of that which does me no good and to focus on that which does. Imago Dei, Image of God, prompts me to turn my thoughts to the One who always puts a smile on my face and chases the undesirable thoughts away!
Just for Today, keep a bible verse within reach and when those negative thoughts come sneaking in, change your focus to the One who makes all things good!
He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:2 Help Finder Bible
– PSG –
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