I often tell our son, “Don’t do what feels good, don’t do what feels right. Do what IS right and you will feel good about what you’ve done and yourself.” So often now days, I hear people counseling others, “If it feels good do it!” One website I came across tells readers “to do what feels right not what you think is right if you want to fulfill your destiny.”
I couldn’t disagree more. Have you ever been driving down a road when someone cut you off? My feelings told me to crash my car into theirs rather than changing lanes or stepping on my brakes to avoid a collision. Has a child, spouse, friend, or coworker ever made you so angry you wanted to slap them? Follow through on that feeling and you will find yourself talking to a police officer.
How many marriages have ended in divorce because it felt good to have that affair or being with that other person ‘felt right?’ How many divorces have resulted because one or both people no longer felt they were in love with their partner?
Feelings can be and often are deceiving. One reason is because feelings come about based on our perception of the truth and the facts we have at that moment. Unfortunately, we may not really know the truth or have the all the facts we think we do. The facts we do have may be skewed or even false depending on their source. We all know the example: ask five witnesses to a car accident what they saw, and you will get five different versions of what happened.
Feelings can steer you in the wrong direction or prevent you from doing something that as a responsible person, you should do. My son wants help with his school project. I really don’t feel like helping. I did my time in school now it’s his turn, right? Wrong. I am his mother and it is, therefore, my responsibility to help my child when needed, regardless of how I feel.
I don’t always feel like going to work. However, I don’t think the mortgage company will understand if I tell them I can’t pay my mortgage because I didn’t feel like working for a week during the past month, so I don’t have enough money to pay them.
You may feel you want a divorce. What actions have you taken to repair your marriage? You made a commitment – for better or worse. You owe it to your spouse, your children, and to yourself to work to make the marriage right again. At one time, you loved your spouse enough to say those words, to commit to a life with them, have children with them. Some of the most damaged marriages have been turned around when the decision was made to stand by their vows and work to do what was right to repair the relationship.
Doing what is right isn’t always easy. That doesn’t change the fact that it is the right thing to do. Unfortunately, in our throw away culture, we are willing to cast things aside – even relationships – if it involves effort. We want everything to be easy. We want everything to feel good. That is not how life works.
Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. The next time you want to do what feels good, when deep inside you hear that small voice telling you it’s the wrong thing to do, do the right thing. Help the person you don’t like. Leave a 20% tip for the waiter or waitress who provided good service to you. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank. Turn off the T.V., logoff of social media and spend quality time with your children or your spouse. They may question your motives at first if this is behavior they haven’t seen from you in a while. Be persistent and be consistent. They will come around.
How do you know what is right? I find most of the time, if I listen to my inner voice, what I call my Holy Spirit voice, I know what is right and what is wrong. If you aren’t sure or you’ve learned to ignore that inner voice, turn to your bible. It is the user manual provided to us by our Creator. Still not sure? Seek counseling from a Christian counselor or Pastor of a local church. Many Christian radio stations have Pastors on staff. Find one in your area and make the call. It is the right thing to do and you’ll be glad you did!
Just for today do what is right rather than what feels good and pay close attention to how doing what is right makes you feel good!
“The truth is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it”.
Venugopal Acharya
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